How to Cope When Kids Leave Home: All You Need to Know About Empty Nest Syndrome

In this week’s home moving blog, we look at the whole scenario of your kids leaving home and how to cope with this new chapter of your life.

Commonly referred to as empty nest syndrome, many parents will feel a sense of grief, anxiety, and loneliness when their children move out of the family home.

That is no surprise really, being a parent is an all-consuming role, every moment of every day for nearly two decades you have dedicated your life to ensuring the well-being and development of your child.

But there comes a time when your child will need, or want, to move out of the family home, whether that is moving away to college, or university, for work, to be with a partner, or to experience life in the outside world on their own.

So now you face the prospect of a home and a life without that intense daily focus, without that sense of purpose.

And even though you knew this moment would come, some emotional turmoil is inevitable.

The good news is that these feelings are perfectly normal and, in time, you will embrace these changes and embark upon an exciting new chapter in your life.

You may also like to read: How to Downsize Your Home. Many people will take the opportunity to downsize when their children leave home. In this guide, we look at how to downsize for a better life.

What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome is the negative emotions felt by the parent when a child leaves the family home.

Often parents will experience a sense of loss, anxiety, depression, sadness, and fear.

These emotions are not exclusive to when children are leaving home, stay-at-home parents can also experience empty nest syndrome when a child starts school for example.

You may also like to read: How to Make a Small Home Work for You. Many people choose to move to a smaller home when their children leave home. In this guide, we look at how to make the most of living in a smaller home.

How Common is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Do most parents suffer from empty nest syndrome?

Although not a recognised clinical condition, empty nest syndrome is common.

Empty nest syndrome is most likely to affect people who are, or were, full-time, stay-at-home parents as they tend to have the closest bond with the child.

However, it is not uncommon for a full-time working parent to experience empty nest syndrome because of a sense of guilt over the lost time that they could have spent with the child when they were growing up.

It is also common not to experience empty nest syndrome. People face change in different ways, some fear it and others embrace it.

If you do not experience empty nest syndrome that does not make you an uncaring parent, it is just that you accept change more easily and have a different perspective to someone who suffers greatly when their child leaves home.

You may also like to read: Should I Move Abroad? Many people dream of a life in the sun and when their children leave home they often take that opportunity. In this guide, we look at the pros and cons of moving to another country.

What are the Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome?

The symptoms of empty nest syndrome can last from a few weeks to a year or more, although the transition from a full-time parent to an independent life can take between 18 months and 2 years.  

Symptoms of empty nest syndrome can include:

• A Sense of Loss
• Loneliness
• Grief
• Loss of Sense of Control
• Emotional Distress
• Loss of Identity
• Physical Symptoms – disrupted sleeping patterns, headaches, backaches, or an upset stomach

In some cases, deep depression can form and in such cases, it would be wise to seek medical assistance from your GP.

You may also like to read: Living in an Intentional Community. Now that your children have left home you have the opportunity to do things that you previously could not. Living in an intentional community is one such option.

How to Avoid Empty Nest Syndrome

As with most changes in life, if you prepare for them, then the actual event is less traumatic and is easier to accept.

In the UK around 50% of young adults have left home by the age of 23 although with the economic climate and housing costs rising, they are staying in the family home longer and longer.

It is usually the daughter who will leave home first either to set up a home with a partner or to attend university.

You can read more about these facts and figures at www.ons.gov.uk    

The majority of parents will be between 40 and 60 years old when their children leave home.

This is also the time in their lives when many people are having to deal with menopause, looking after aging parents or relatives, going through a divorce, or coping with their own failing health.

When facing so much change in your life over a few short years it is no wonder that people find these years particularly hard to cope with.

But it does not have to be a period when the changes are all negative and when anxiety or depression is inevitable.

This can be a positive time, a time when you can make different life choices that may improve your quality of life or give you new interests and hobbies.

You may also like to read: 10 Best Housing Options for Older Adults. Now is the perfect opportunity to maybe live somewhere slightly out of the ordinary. In this guide, we explore some slightly alternative living styles.

How to Prepare for Your Child Leaving Home

In the years leading up to your child leaving home, they will likely have been spending less time at home, going out with friends, and creating a social life for themselves.

You can use this time to start mentally and physically preparing for the day when they eventually move out.

The first step is to move away from the mindset that your only role in life is as a parent.

You may also be a partner, husband or wife, aunt or uncle, friend, or employee.

Will not having the children around give you more time to focus on these aspects of your life?

Would you like to expand your role in one of these branches of your life?

Now would be a great time to rekindle your relationship with your partner or friends and to do more things together.

Maybe you want to take on more hours at work or take a more active role in the life of nieces or nephews for example.

Think of a hobby or interest that you have always wanted to do but never had the time for.

Use this time to join social media groups or local community groups to explore the options around you.

Try to focus on all the positives that will be a result of you having a home to yourself and more time for yourself.

• There will be less day to day stresses
• Your finances may improve
• You will have time to devote to yourself and your wellbeing
• You can spend time reconnecting with your partner
• There will be more space in the home that you could use for a hobby maybe
• You may even have the opportunity to downsize your home and release the equity to go on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday
• Your relationship with your sibling will likely improve when not living under the same roof
• Your sibling will transition from your child to your friend bringing a whole new aspect to your relationship

Finally, one of the best ways to prevent empty nest syndrome, and to be prepared for the day your child leaves home, is to be confident and happy that you have given your child all the life skills they need to become a competent young adult.

This may include:

• Teaching them how to budget and look after their finances
• Ensuring they can cook basic meals
• Knowing how to work a washing machine
• How to complete simple home repairs
• How to shop frugally
• How to keep a home clean and tidy
• Personal hygiene
• Knowing how to be a considerate neighbour or housemate.

Reassure your child that you are still there to support them and that the door to the family home will always be open to them.

Support them in any way you can but let them make and learn from their own mistakes. It is all part of growing into a young adult.

Have regular contact with them without ringing them every 5 minutes, they will be forging a new life for themselves too and you want to have quality time with them in the future.

Let them know you are there to help and support them if they need it.

In a short time, you will all have learned to adapt to your new lives and the times when you do meet will be quality time spent together.

You may also like to read: How to Move Out of Your Parents Home. Your child may find this guide useful to help them cope with the transition to their new life. There may also be some tips to help you make the whole process less stressful for everyone.

How Do You Cope When Your Child Moves Out?

When a child leaves home it is common to feel a sense of loss of purpose, when the parent is faced with what they perceive as no direction left in their life.

The trick is to fill your time in a productive way, to find a new focus in your life.

Aside from the positives that we looked at in the previous section, this is a great opportunity to consider rewarding ways to fill not only your time but also your empty home:

• Foster. Fostering children is a popular way for people to use their parenting skills, make a difference in another child’s life, and make use of the time and space they now have available. Learn more about fostering at www.gov.uk  
• Lodgers. Take in a lodger. Not only will you get an income but you may just make a new friend. Find out more about taking in a lodger at www.citizensadvice.org.uk 
• Foreign Exchange Students. This is a great way to meet interesting people and make new friends. Find out more about hosting foreign students at www.ef.co.uk or www.ukguardians.co.uk  
• Rehome a pet. For unconditional love and companionship, nothing beats a pet. You can find out all you need to know about adopting a pet at www.rspca.org.uk  or www.bluecross.org.uk  
• Volunteer. No matter what skills you have to offer or what your interests are, there are plenty of volunteering opportunities available in the UK. Find out what those opportunities are and how you could become a volunteer at www.gov.uk  
• Teach. Another great way to add value to your life is to teach. That could be anything from coaching a local football team to passing on your art or sewing skills to local groups. Local social media groups would be a great way to find any opportunities in your local area.
• Exercise. Exercise is not only good for the body but the mind too. Exercise is great for helping to combat anxiety, stress, and depression as reported by The National Library of Medicine.  

You may also like to read: Should I Retire to the City? Whilst you may not be thinking of retiring, now could be the ideal time to move to the city and start an exciting new life.

Empty Nest Support Groups UK

Not everyone experiences empty nest syndrome and you may experience it more than your partner.

If your partner has a full-time job or hobbies they may not feel the sense of loss and void in their life as much as you do.

Be open with your partner and discuss how you are feeling, explore ways that you can do new things together, perhaps go on date nights, or just take the time to have conversations and reconnect so that they can offer you any support you need.

If you feel that you need extra support, or perhaps you have no one to help you through this time of transition, there are some empty nest support groups available to help you such as:

• www.familylives.org.uk which has a forum where you can chat with our parents. They also have a live chat service, email support (askus@familylives.org.uk), and a helpline (0808 800 2222)
• There is an empty nesters support page on Facebook  
• www.theemptynesterclub.com has a forum, support groups, group events, and a ton of useful information about empty nester clubs near you 

Moving home is a big event in anyone’s life and moving out of the family home is a huge milestone for your child.

They are likely to be finding the transition just as hard, or you may have done such an incredible job as a parent that they have all the skills they need to sail through this next phase of adulthood.

Moving from child to adult enables your relationship to move on and to have quality time together when you do meet up.

They will still come to you for advice, support, and even a shoulder to cry on sometimes.

You have not lost a child but gained a very special adult friend.

Good luck with the transition to your exciting and fulfilling new life.